Making Mothers Out of Women

“My doctor won’t allow me to go past 40 weeks.”
“I can’t labor in the tub at my hospital.”
“My doctor says I have to be in the bed for pushing.”
“I’m not allowed to eat during labor at my hospital.”
“I have to do the gestational diabetes/Group B Strep test at my next appt.”
“My doctor says I have to have IV fluids during labor.”
“My midwife says I have to have my labor induced.”
“I’m not allowed to walk around during labor because I have to be monitored.”
“My midwife says I have to have a flu shot.”

Do those things sound familiar? I hear them ALL THE TIME. Friends, I have another quote for you.

“How can we hope to make mothers out of women when we treat them like children?” ~ Cole Deelah

You don’t become a mother when you give birth. You become a mother when you conceive your baby. And your pregnancy is a time to be learning and researching and deciding what you feel are the best options for you and your baby. Your parental responsibilities to be in charge of your child’s care begins during pregnancy. Included in those responsibilities is learning that you have options. Everything is an option. Every test and procedure and treatment and medication is an option with risks, benefits and alternatives. You have a say in everything from prenatal ultrasounds to gestational diabetes testing and cervical checks, labor induction to IV fluids and fetal monitoring, delayed cord clamping to immediate skin-to-skin and newborn vaccinations and so much more.  

Please do not think for a minute that your provider or the hospital staff have any authority over you. In fact, the words “won’t allow,” “I can’t,” or “he/she/they won’t let me” do not belong in maternity care. You are not a child, you are a pregnant/birthing mother paying the members of your birth team to provide you with a service. You are the boss of your birth team. This birth team works for you and you are free to fire anybody at any time if they are not providing you with the service you need/desire. Hospital policy is not law. If your hospital’s policy is to not eat during labor, I promise you that you will not be arrested if you munch on an apple and cheese cubes between contractions. You don’t even have to be sneaky about it. Just do it. It’s your body. It’s your baby. It’s your birth. YOURS. If you are told during pregnancy that you are not allowed to labor in water and that is what you’d really like, tell your provider that. And if s/he is insistent that you will not be allowed to, find a new provider/hospital. If you can’t do that, petition the hospital administrators with your request and take along plenty of research and evidence for its safety. Consider driving to a provider/hospital that will allow it. Don’t give your money and business to providers and hospitals that will not support your desires and your role as a decision maker for both your and your baby’s care. Remember, as long as your baby is still on the inside, it is not too late to fire your current provider and find one that will support you. When choosing a doctor or midwife, refer to my post about choosing a maternity care provider for a list of questions to ask potential providers. 

You’ve got this, mama. You are the boss. The amazing mommy boss. You are no longer just a woman, but a mother.