Fear: The What Ifs

Hi Friends, 
I hope you enjoy this blog from Jaimie Schrock as much as I did. She is a dear friend and a treasure in the birth and VBAC community. 
♥Amber


Fears. The what if's.
It would be one thing if all we had to worry about was ourselves.
But, there's this precious baby. This fresh new life. That deserves the best. And we love this little one more than our mouths can form the words to say.
You know this love, if you have had a child before. It's unspeakable and it grips your heart in ways you would have never imagined and could have never understood before.
When you choose a VBAC, it's choosing to do something different.
Most doctors, most mothers have been familiar with 'once a c-section, always a c-section."
No one really remarks if you choose this.
However, for those of us who have or will choose to do something that's outside of the norm, many can question us and we can question ourselves. Especially if you have had two or more c-sections.
What if...
I can't do it.
I fail.
It's hard.
Or worst case...I rupture?
But I'm here to tell you...YOU NEED TO GET RID OF FEAR.
Well, we know that fear can be good. It can alert us to dangerous situations. That part of us is a good fear that was created in us to protect us. But this attacking fear that can strike our minds day and night, that is not a good fear.
Can I explain further? If you have chosen to birth by VBAC, I am assuming you have researched, you have thought. You have thought deeply. At one point in time, you decided this was the best thing for you, and for your baby.
And if you are like me, you prayed about it. You asked God what He wanted for your birth. You waited for an answer and when you received it you had peace. That passes over your mind and understanding.
Why Do We Need To Get Rid of Fear?

1. It robs of us of the here and now. When we fear something, we are afraid of something that may or may not happen. Our mind isn't where we are, but rather where we might be. Our mind is in the future. But my friends, today is all we have. Fear is one thing. Concern is another. It's ok to be concerned, but to be beaten down with fear...no. That's not what you were created for.
2. It wastes our time and energy. It costs us something when we think through and envision our fears. It costs time and it actually uses mental energy. And then, when we have thought fearful things it returns us to negative emotions. You know, that icky feeling. Depression. Sadness. Uncertainty. All over something that may or may not happen. There is a price to pay when we choose to side with fear. And it is costly.
3. There is no benefit. Being afraid will not change the outcome. If the thing we worry about does in fact happen, our being afraid of it will change nothing. Fear does nothing but torments and steals. It lies and promises us, that if we choose it, it will help. But it does not. It offers nothing to our future situation.

And all that sounds great, right? I think I have convinced you now that fear is really not a good option.
But what can we do when it prowls around us, wanting us to succumb to its temptation?

1. Examine the facts. I have often heard and maybe you have to, that fear is actually 'false evidence appearing real.'  In the situation for VBAC, in the situation for ANY birth there can be things that go wrong. There can be things that go very wrong. But for me, I found comfort in looking at the facts. My best source was VBACFacts.com. I wanted to know the statistics for everything I could find. When I saw the truth for certain situations I was concerned for, I realized that my putting a lot of emphasis on them wasn't necessary. There were possibilities for things to happen, but in my situation they were low.
2. Write it down. Sometimes we go through our day. We feel a fearful feeling. We swat at it like a fly and try to ignore it. We have so much to do. Oh, here it comes again. And we swat it away. We don't usually address it and sometimes we don't know what it is and where it came from. But it nags at us. My challenge to you: get alone and write down every possible fear you have. Get it out! Don't ignore it and pretend like it's not there. If you don't know what exactly you fear, get really quiet and just allow yourself to examine your heart and mind. Pray and ask God what is going on in your heart. Write it all down and get it out.
3. The only way to defeat a fearful thought is by the words you speak. So you have written down your fears. "I am afraid I won't be able to push my baby out." I challenge you to speak aloud to your situation. Some may want to say, "I will do my best to push my baby out." Others may say, "I will give my all to push my baby out." Those are fine things to say. And each has to speak to their convictions. I am a big believer that we shall have what we say. So, I would choose to say, "I WILL push my baby out." Oh, that's too bold, some may say. What if you don't?? Well, if I don't, I don't. But I am not going to believe that. I am going to believe with all my heart that I will. And I will say it a thousand times until I say it so much that I believe it. You can do this with any negative, fearful thought you have. You don't think a good thought next to it, you speak good words aloud and declare what you want. That's how to defeat fears and negative thinking.

The fears, the what ifs...they will always be there for us. In everyday life, in birth, when preparing for a VBAC.
They promise us control. That if we believe them and worry with them, somehow we may prevent something from happening or if it does, our being afraid may make it better.
But those, dear readers are lies. Lies we were never meant to believe. They steal from us and nag at us. We were created to live in freedom and be at peace. When we do our best, making our best choices in childbirth and most especially when we ask God and pray about our situations, we can in fact have that peace that passes all understanding. That we have a loving God. That He is there for us. And we can trust Him in whatever we face. In birth. And in everyday life.